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Author's note: I'm in a mood and I feel like telling it like I see it.  This is a bizarre entry and turns into a rant about halfway down.

Thor's Knowne Worlde Lurk

September 22-23, 2001

I was, as usual, horribly late to this event, arriving at about 3pm.  However, I believe this is acceptable because

a. I live in the past

b. I am a goddess and I do what I like

c. Events  NEVER start on time, particularly those run by a certain blond god...

At any rate, when I got to Lurker's Wood, towing a reluctant Dragon with me, the MAZE BATTLE was going on.  Bones was in a tree filming, while the fighters of Uberheim dashed about in a maze made of string woven amongst the many tall pines.  The warriors periodically emerged from the maze, sweating and grinning in equal measure.  They seemed overjoyed at the prospect of wearing all sorts of armor whilst running in circles on a filthily humid day and bashing each other in the head.  I don't know who won, but they all were quite happy anyway.  

Among those fighting I spied His Grace Artimis of Cronallis, who bowed very handsomely to me and engaged me in a friendly conversation.  The Goddess is pleased with him.  I also received pretty greetings and compliments from most of the other participants, including Sir Hagen, Alberich, Odin, Thor, Rudiger and Fafnir.  

I had a good laugh with His Majesty over the ridiculous antics of the UberHerb once known as Marius who threw a mundane pinwheel at myself and others for daring to be in a retail store that his ex-girlfriend also happened to be in.

Her Majesty the Queen and Her Grace the Grand Duchess Skuld, among others, were not present, for they were engaged in preparing the night site at Mime's.  They were missed.  

Flosshilde was wearing Andvarnaught for the day, and through a complex series of events, I endeavored to put it on and made G M Syn cluck and flap like a chicken.  I commanded her to lay an egg.  It didn't work.  She's coming after me when she gets it back, but I have a little secret she won't like...

The "Monty Python Gauntlet" was by far the most amusing of the day's events that I witnessed.  The first challenge saw sirs Thor, Hagen and Rudiger all dressed in one massive tabard as a the three-headed knight from MP and the Holy Grail.  Thor (or Sif, probably) took great care in making sure the tabard looked just like the one in the movie.  They chattered effetely about tea and biscuits while battling individual fighters.  It was really funny!  The challenger had to kill all three heads.  Since Sir Hagen was the middle head and had no use of his arms, his head was often the first to go.  The best part was when Sir Rudiger fell and ripped right out of the tabard.  We all screamed with laughter!

Those who survived the 3-headed knight fought the Black Knight (Thor) with great swords.

Finally, those left battled each other with boffer herrings.  They kind of looked like something you'd get from the Good Humor man, but they were funny.  I admit I don't know who won this one either.  [I'm crap sometimes aren't I?]

So then we all packed up.  Some headed right to Mime's to feast, while others, like myself and Nidhogg, went back to our own houses to eat change and waste time until about 9:30.  We were pretty late getting back, but surprise, surprise, court wasn't even close to beginning. 

Mime's backyard looked very nice.  They had set up a semi-circle of easy-up style pavilions and banners.  Many of the ladies were below in the basement feverishly working on a present for the king, which, due to mechanical problems, sadly did not get finished in time for court.  Reginleif meanwhile was busily scribing the scrolls for Great Court.  Others sat patiently or otherwise and waited for the solemnities to begin.

Ok, here's the part in my narrative where lot of people might get upset were they to read it.  Luckily, very few people are likely to read this, so it's all good.  If you are upset and you ARE reading this, tough.  I've been around long enough to write it.  And it's nothing you haven't heard before anyway.  

Great Court is, simply put, a bleeding nightmare.  It always starts way too late, people are always allowed to blather on and on like bombastic windbags, while most of the populace ditches long before the end.  The truth is, people, Great Court seriously needs to be reformed.  In my own not humble opinion, we have lost focus.  

Great Court was, I thought, supposed to be a time when we celebrated the achievements of a few, special people who did special kingdom level things.  On Saturday, all sorts of things happened during the first TWO HOURS, only one or two of which met these requirements.  I don't know what happened later because I went home.  It was 1:30 in the morning!

Now I think it's lovely that people join households, get squired, become men-at-arms, become apprentices, join guilds, etc.  All of that stuff is part of what makes Uberheim fun and special. These are important parts of life in the kingdom.  HOWEVER, there are 2 regular courts a month at which such things can occur.  Household and guild business is very important, but it can and should be confined to regular court.  

Isn't the point of Great Court to see people be recognized for AOH, Volsung, and Mastery-level achievements?  We don't give such things out at regular courts (except in special circumstances) because that's what  we have Great Court for!  How can people stand up and be recognized for their remarkable and worthy achievements if we don't give the awards out until 2 or 3 in the morning?  Most spectators looked pretty darn miserable to me that night.  Most people wanted to go to bed.  Some people had work in the morning.  A lot of people left.  Who is getting honored here?  If you're gone, you don't get your award (until another time), if you are there, you barely care if someone else is getting one, thus defeating the purpose of Great Court!

Now, a lot of great stuff happened.  Alberich was given a Masters of Service and inducted into the Order of the Polished Ring.  I mistakenly entered court with the Order cause I thought a Volsung in Service counted.  Ooopsie, my bad.  People were insulted.  Sorry.  I was probably more embarrassed than you were insulted.  It was an honest mistake.  I wasn't about to scurry back out  and compound my embarrassment when I figured out something was wrong from the looks I was getting!  

I'm proud of Alberich, he really deserves it.  Now, my sources tell me that both Queen Rossweisse and Grand Duchess Skuld were also inducted into the Order, but I had already gone home.  I really wanted to see that, for they are not only most worthy, but it is a truly belated honor in both their cases.

I know that Mime was going to undergo his vigil and was to be knighted in the morning.  I'm proud and happy for him.  That's another thing I should like to have seen, but again, not at 3 am.  I hope the ceremony went well and I wish the newest knight Sir Mime all the best.

Of course, in the case of Cronallis, a great deal of leeway should exist, for they must travel far and should be allowed to handle whatever necessary business they have.  Lovely period bardic presentations were made by their Graces Jastin and Artimis with voice and recorder.   They also presented the members of the Bardic Guild for recognition.

I am not minimizing the other things that happened at court They are important.  BUT they should have waited for the next regular court.

Sir Hagen took Grokk to squire in a moving ceremony.  I especially appreciated the tableaux of Hagen holding the chain aloft over Grokk's head, silhouetted by the torchlight.

Prince Sir Thor took Sephiroth to squire and really whaled on him in the accolade.  The crack was sickening, and his cheek glowed.

New members Demona and Kibble joined House Drakensgrab and were inducted into the Order Arcanum.  Also, Odin advanced in the Order.  So did someone else.  I am so sorry, I forget who.  If you know, please mail me.

Baron Uller and Duke Artimis engaged in a fencing bout and Uller bested His Grace, earning the title of Uberheim Fencing Champion.  Uller also sang a fine song.

I know a great deal more than this happened.  I am not ignoring anyone's achievement.  I am just a tired and cranky goddess.  Forgive me.  I always await corrections and suggestions, please email me.  Just don't heap abuse on my head.  I don't deserve it.  If you have a problem, write me a reasonable letter which explains your argument without using insults or profanity.  Flames will be ignored.

This is Saga, signing off from her Sinking Beach at Sokkvabbekk..............